Questions For My Hairdresser

QUESTIONS I WOULD LIKE TO ASK MY HAIRDRESSER OF THIRTY YEARS*

Is he a good man?

Is he a good role model for our country?

In what ways does he make us better people?

What are the qualities you admire about him?

Is there anything you would change about him?

If yes, please elaborate:

Do you see any faults in him?

And they are:

Is he a good business man? An honest business man?

Do you think that any of his wives think he is/was a good husband?

If yes, in what ways?

Is he a good father?

Does he like Don Junior? Do you?

Does he like Eric? Do you?

Does he like Ivanka? Do you?

Does he like his other daughter? Do you? Do you know her name? Does he?

Does he hate that Barron is taller than he is? Is he jealous of Jared? In what ways, his money, his height, his looks, his wife?

Do your darling son and his husband - do they feel safe with him in the bully pulpit? I know how much you love them; are you not worried about them? And their community?

Do you realize that your really damning post about the Reiners’ murders was almost word for word what others posted about your idol, Kirk, which you were so furious about? Was that a purposeful attempt to escalate friction and further cement the divide in our country? Or was it a juvenile (we all go there from time to time) “Back at you!!?”

Besides, the comparison was very far fetched: one had a life and occasionally spoke out about political matters, the other made millions of dollars forever speaking out about political matters.

* but I can’t because I can’t bear to even look at her place of business while I drive my scraggly long haired self down the street, let alone get a good haircut and let her touch me again. And it makes me sad.